


Hoax

by Kris_krisser



Category: Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Gen, Magnificent Seven AU: ATF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-12-27
Updated: 1998-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-19 19:55:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kris_krisser/pseuds/Kris_krisser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A video tape causes great problems for the team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hoax

**Hoax  
by Krisser**

As Ezra Standish stepped off the plane at the Denver Airport, he was amazed at how good it felt to be home. He smiled to himself, home. For the first time in thirty-two years, he felt as if he had come home.

As he waited for his luggage to arrive, he thought back to the last month in France with his mother. It was suppose to be a two week interval, but his first week he had been so sick he could barely recall any of it. Just a bed and being dragged to the hospital. The second week had been recuperation and his mother asked if he could stay longer. He had been so shocked at her request for him to spend more time with her, he hadn’t said no right away. She took that as a yes and volunteered to call Chris Larabee, his ATF boss and secure the additional time. She’d told him, where Mr. Larabee wasn’t happy, he said Ezra did have the time coming. So he stayed two more weeks with Maude. They had spent most of the time in restaurants and couturiers, but it was time with his mother. Something he could actually count in weeks spent with her.

Handing his luggage claim ticket to the airport personal, he found himself looking forward to seeing his friends again. This last year had been a giant leap in their relationships. The terrible fears of last-years undercover had been laid to rest, and he was able to see the rest of his team members as the friends they were. Not in the same way as Lenny Hoskins was, but friends non-the-less.

He finally hailed a cab and when the driver asked where, instead of his condo he said, “ATF Headquarters, downtown.” Ezra smiled as the taxi left the curb.

ATF Headquarters

Nathan stood at the window looking out at the busy city, but not really seeing anything. He was lost in his thoughts. He’d spent most of the morning in that very spot, not really motivated to continue with the paper work,…… busy work. Down below a face in the crowd caught his eye. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and he looked out again. Nothing. He turned toward Josiah, “I thought I saw him down there….” Nathan couldn’t finish.

Josiah looked up with a heavy heart, “Nathan, it takes a while, we see the face we want in others a lot. I’m sorry my friend.”

Nathan walked slowly back to the desk Josiah was at and sat across from him. Vitality was missing from his steps. They both could hear the elevator chime, but weren’t real interested.

“Well, gentlemen, is there a current case that has this office empty at such an early hour?” Ezra asked as he viewed the near empty office.

Both men looked over to the voice that had been missing. The distinctive Southern accent and fancy grammar. Nathan stood as though in shock. Josiah attempted to stand, but got caught up in the roller chair, and tipped over completely backward.

The crash brought Nathan back to life and he quickly ran around the desk to help Josiah. Josiah had clunked his head on the floor, and looked hesitantly up at Nathan, “Nate, I thought I saw Ezra.”

“You were not mistaken, Mr. Sanchez.” Ezra smiled down at the man. But the pain in the older man’s eyes had him ask, “are you okay Josiah?”

Josiah shook his head and nodded his head all at the same time. Ezra was completely bewildered, he didn’t know what was causing the looks on his friends faces.

His puzzlement penetrated into Nathan’s consciousness and he gathered himself, “Ezra, we thought you were dead.” Nathan made it sound like a news bulletin.

As Ezra was helping Josiah up to a different chair, he’d planned on making a smart-ass remark, until he noted that both men continued to wear serious expressions. Instead he crinkled his face and said, “huh?”

Josiah kept staring at Ezra, when he finally believed that he wasn’t hallucinating, he reached out and hugged Ezra.

Ezra was pulled into such a tight embrace he feared he wouldn’t be able to continue breathing. But as he felt the tension drain from Josiah’s body, he endured the entire procedure.

Nathan reiterated, “Ezra, we all really thought you were dead.”

“Why?…… How?” Ezra asked. “And where are the others?”

Josiah walked over to the file cabinet, opened the second drawer and pulled out a video tape, indicating that they should go to the conference room to see it. As they walked down the corridor, Nathan filled Ezra in on the where-abouts of the others. “JD took the news real hard. Buck got worried that we’d lose him too, so he put his self destructive tendencies to work at Chris’ place. Chopping wood, says he cries a lot.”

Ezra was amazed and sad at the same time at JD’s reaction. Josiah had the tape in the VCR, but Nathan wanted to finish before they watched the tape. “Vin’s out tracking and we’ve been trying to do what we can from here.”

Ezra misunderstood, “the person you thought killed me?”

Josiah answered, “No, Chris.”

Pain filled green eyes looked to Josiah for explanation. Nathan answered as Josiah’s eyes filled with tears. “Chris took the news harder than JD, but he wouldn’t let any of us help him. He started drinking and when Buck went over to help him, he took Buck’s truck. He crashed it and ended up in the hospital. Buck said he was just like this after Sarah and Adam’s murder. Day after he got out of the hospital he disappeared. Between dropping him off, picking up his meds and switching vehicles, Chris left. We have no idea where he went, no clue and that was two weeks ago.” Nathan’s eyes teared, “I am so glad you’re alive and that you’re here.” Nathan squeezed Ezra’s shoulder as he told him that. The joy in his eyes was easy for Ezra to read.

Josiah hit the play button and the tape began.

Ezra watched as two men with stocking ski hoods dragged his body across a room and plopped him into a chair. He watched as his own arm came up as if to cover his eyes when a man with a gun stepped into the frame. At point blank range, the man shot his gun into Ezra’s chest four times. He watch as his body moved as each bullet entered, blood poured from the holes and he watched as his body slumped more and he gave a life ending twitch. The camera panned the room and rested on the couch where the words, PROBLEM SOLVED, cut out from news print lay there and the tape ended.

Ezra was shocked, the two men flanking him reached and touched him, like they were making sure he was really there. Ezra welcomed the physical contact, it proved to him that he was indeed alive. It was exceptionally eerie to watch yourself die. He could understand how his friends believed it, he would too if he wasn’t sitting here right now. Ezra rubbed the back of his head, then touched his chest where he saw the bullets enter. Then he froze in his spot, “Josiah, run the tape back ….to the beginning…” Josiah complied and Ezra said, “freeze it! There, that room, that was the room I was in with my mother, in France.”

Three pairs of shocked eyes looked at one another.

A different kind of pain crossed Ezra’s face, he spoke aloud, “my mother…..party to this?”

Emotions whirled about inside Josiah, but he pushed them aside as he calmly asked of Ezra, “start at the beginning of your stay in France….”  
\-----  
Montana

An unshaven, dark-clad man stood atop a mountain peak looking out to the vast, open expanse before him as tears ran unchecked down his face. He sat himself down hard and then let the sobs take control of his body.  
\-----  
Wyoming

Vin Tanner stopped his Jeep in front of the town library, which also served as the Post Office. He pulled out his cellphone and turned it on. He figured he was gonna catch hell from JD, but he just couldn’t keep it on all the time, he would take to hoping. That was too dangerous. He punched out the number and waited.

“Yeah,” was how JD answered the ring.

“JD,……get anything?” The weariness in Vin’s voice made its way across the phone lines.

“No, last account activity was in Wyoming, nothing since. Still running down the info on the delivery.” JD stopped as Vin’s in-drawn breath. A reminder. “You find anything?” JD hoped to redirect Vin’s thoughts.

“Wyoming hasn’t been that bad, he’s stopped in more backwater bars than I can count, gets drunk, gets into a fight and leaves for the next stop.” Vin closed his eyes as he leaned his head against the window, but quickly opened them as unwanted visions swarmed in. “I’m about two days behind him still. I’m goin’ in the library and I’ll fax or email the list. Find out if Buck has any ideas.” He scratched his stubble, he was gonna have to shave here in a bit. ‘Damm, I’ll have to stop and buy a razor first.’ He thought to himself.

JD was talking to him, “……K? Vin…..Vin?”

“Huh? Sorry Kid, I was distracted.”

“I said, keep your cellphone on…..in case…” JD’s voice stayed real meek the whole time. “Vin, you okay?” JD had to ask.

“No, JD, I’m not. Just don’t have time to sort stuff. We gotta find Chris, I gotta find Chris. Call ya later.” He closed the cellphone and forced himself to get out of the jeep and send the list to the kid.  
\---------  
Vin entered the diner, planned on getting some soup. Figured he had to force himself to eat, leastwise till he found Chris. Then he could refigure what all to do.

He gave his order to the waitress and she brought over the basket of crackers. Vin opened a pack, more to keep himself busy over actually wanting to eat them. He finished all the soup, enjoying the warmth more than the taste. He had his thermos refilled with coffee while he waited for his check. As the cashier was giving him his change, he asked, “you ever see this man, probably a couple days ago?”

The cashier shrugged, but the girl that waited on him saw the picture and said, “yeah, I remember him. Here the day before yesterday.”

“Remember anything else, did he say anything?” Vin knew he was reaching.

The waitress told him earnestly, “His eyes were haunted as though he had demons nipping at his heels.”

Vin looked at her wise eyes and replied, “ma’am that he does,” and with a tight nod, he was gone.

She looked after his retreating back and whispered aloud, “seems those same demons are chasing you too.” With a shake of her head she went back to work.  
\-----  
Denver

Ezra slammed down the phone, “my mother is nowhere to be found. Odd, now isn’t it.” His voice dripped in disdain and disgust. He sat on the edge of the desk and looked to Josiah. He wanted to ask a difficult question, “how did the tape arrive?”

Josiah took a deep breath, shuddering slightly at the remembrance. “Each one of us received an individual copy of the tape at our homes. At least Buck and JD were home together.”

Nathan added, “At Vin’s and Chris’ we found the TV’s busted. Both looked kicked in.”

Josiah was all done packing up the files he was taking, he looked at Ezra, “Judge thinks your dead, but he doesn’t know about Chris, or Vin taking off after him. Nathan and I have been covering. Mostly Nathan. Tried to contact Lenny, whoa, whoa…..no we never told him, he’s out on assignment and we didn’t leave a message. Nathan tried to get Maude but she was nowhere to be found.”

Ezra sighed, he was glad Lenny wasn’t put through this, and Maude…..after they found Chris he was going to get the truth from her. Aloud he asked, “are we telling the Judge?”

“No, it buys us more time.”

“On to the Cesspit, that’ll be headquarters.” Nathan smiled at Ezra’s expression, “I’m in complete agreement with on that place, but JD’s computer is the best one next to Chris’. Anyways, we gotta tell em about you in person. So they can see for themselves right away.”

They walked down the stairs, didn’t want to take the chance on seeing Travis at this point. Ezra leaned down and fed Cuervo, who seemed to rub a few extra times. They got into Nathan’s SUV. It had 4-wheel drive and they didn’t know what they would be needing.  
\-----  
As the tall man stood in the ATF parking level, he looked it completely over. His cold-blooded stare and air about him kept Cuervo hidden. As the man walked to the elevator, he said to himself, ‘damm, how do I enjoy the pain if no one is here?’  
\-------  
Nathan let them in to the Cesspit, as he still had the key. They wanted to keep stuff as low key for the neighbors as possible. What they don’t know, can’t hurt the team. Nathan had Ezra stand off to the side then called out to the guys, “Buck, JD, I need you two out here now.”

Buck came out of the kitchen as JD got up from the computer and gravitated toward Josiah. Josiah took a step closer as Nathan started talking.

“I’ve got a shock for you, a good one…..,” he pointed to Ezra as he said, “Ezra’s alive.”

Tears sprang into Buck’s eyes at the sight of Ezra. JD fainted dead away, right into Josiah’s arms. Josiah laid him on the couch. “Knew the excitement would get to him.”

Buck looked Ezra over and then grabbed him by the shoulders. Not feeling Ezra pull away, Buck pulled him closer in an embrace. His voice catching, “lordy bee, Ezra, you’re alive. You’re alive.” Buck murmured almost to himself. He stepped back and smiled at Ezra, then turned to check on JD and to regain control of himself.

Ezra backed up and sat down, he needed to think to himself for a few minutes.

Nathan came out of the kitchen with a cold cloth for JD’s head. Buck then looked up at all of them, “so what the hell is going on?”

Josiah looked over at Ezra and took it upon himself to fill in Buck with all he knew. Ezra was lost in his own thoughts.

And Ezra was overwhelmed. The depth of emotion that these men were showing was daunting. He never dreamed in all his years that he would have friends that feel like this. Lenny, yes. But they had a decade plus of history. These men……he honestly didn’t know that they cared like these. Buck, Nathan Josiah…all had tears in their eyes, for him. This stemmed far past their working relationship. ‘Why didn’t I ever see this?’ Ezra asked himself. Heavens, he knew that they had come far, that trust was building…..but this depth…… staggering. Ezra looked over at JD, and went over to sit by him. He had to interrupt his thoughts, he couldn’t let dwell on Chris….he felt a squeeze in his chest, he couldn’t go there yet. So he placed his hand on JD’s fore head and spoke down to the boy. “JD, I need to talk to you…come on.” He leaned down close to his ear and whispered, “I need a hug from you.”

JD opened his eyes and threw his arms around Ezra’s neck. “Ezra, Ezra, Ezra…..you aren’t dead. I kept secretly hoping you weren’t…thank you Ezra.”

“No, thank you JD, for caring so much.” JD seemed so young right now, Ezra was surprised how often they forgot that. Ezra sat back on that horrible couch, knowing that JD wanted to sit right by him for awhile.

The quick brain started working right away, “why’s all this happening….my god we gotta tell Vin…Chris oh, we gotta let him know.” JD, motor mouth was on a roll.

“Whoa there, Pard…..first things first.” Buck just seem to know how to reign the Kid in.

JD smiled the first smile in two weeks, “okay, I’m hungry, what’s to eat.”  
\-------  
Montana

In a dingy, rat infested room, Chris Larabee slipped today’s ration of money into his wallet. He knew that if he used his ATM card out here they would be able to track him. He wasn’t sure who they were anymore. He’d been working real hard to push them all away, hopefully he could.

He threw some water on his face, so he could comb back his hair. He didn’t care about shaving, didn’t care if he ever shaved again. He thought to himself, ‘I don’t want to face another dawn sober, I don’t want to think about having to survive through another day.’  
\-------  
Denver

For JD this Chinese take-out was best he ever had. He believed now that everything would be all right. Ezra was alive, so Chris was gonna be okay. “ So why can’t we just tell Vin, I know it’d make him happy.”

Josiah couldn’t hide the smile, JD’s attitude was infectious. “Not over the phone JD, It’d be too much. This is real hard on Vin. We just have to meet him someplace.” Josiah then concentrated on Buck. “Buck, you know Chris the best. Especially like this. We have to think, figure out…”

“Chris is hurtin real bad. He didn’t think he was gonna feel again. Pushed away any of us that cared. But life happens and he did. Just not what he expected. He was so determined to keep love away in the form of a female. He didn’t give that much thought to friends….we’ve all gone a whole lot further than that. That slipped in…..’member, he didn’t even know it was happening. He made some connection with Vin, and that opened the dam…..even let the old ones back in. I’m almost afraid that this is gonna be worse. He’s building a wall, to keep us all out.” His examination was interrupted by the phone.

“Okay, okay, okay..,” reacting to all the looks he got. JD smiled, “I’m not gonna tell now… okay, hush. Hello.”

“JD…”

“Vin, where are you, we got some real important info, but not over the phone….we gotta come to you.” JD sounded urgent.

“Okay JD, I’ll email now…remember to set up the spike. Bring a secure line.” Vin disconnected.

“What was all that?” Buck asked.

Ezra spoke, “to protect the email and not have it intercepted. JD said not over the phone so Vin’s assumed that the phone is bugged. Good job, JD.” Ezra squeezed his shoulder after he sat back down.  
\-------  
Montana

The young waitress at this diner told Vin, “it was so sad, his beautiful hazel eyes were so vague. Vacant actually. But it was as he threw his head back for the last of his beer, that I saw the pain etched on his face. At that moment it was as though his eyes were silently screaming.”

She had remembered Chris too, so Vin explained, “he’s my friend and I’m trying to help him. I need to email this location to my other friend so he can come and help too. Do you know where I might get use of the Internet?”

She looked into these sad blue eyes and knew she had to help, “come on back here, use ours. If someone asks back there, just tell them you’re my boyfriend.” She flashed him her smile.

“Thank you.”  
\------  
Denver

“Okay, I’ve got our flight booked, we landing in Great Falls and it’s still a two hour drive to where Vin is in Shelby, so a Suburban will be waiting for us.” JD kept his eyes on Ezra, but spoke to them all. “I emailed this to Vin at the same addy he used. Hey, Buck, I gave him your new cellphone number, asked him to call ASAP.”

“Ah, JD? When does the flight leave?” Nathan asked him.

JD gave a lopsided smile, “an hour and a half.”

JD was saved from the groans at the short time cause Buck’s phone rang. “Wilmington.”

“Buck.” Vin’s voice was heavy. “I’ve got him heading to central Montana…”

“He’s been there before, I don’t know where though. It’s cold, like he wants to be right now. He wants a numb wall around him.” The weariness was at the surface of Buck’s voice.

“Buck, I’m not catchin up. I don’t know if I can do this.” Vin was near desperation.

“Vin, you’re the only one who can. Look where there’s less people, he’ll get so’s he can’t stand em. ….Vin, right now, you’re the only hope.” Buck’ voice cracked. The connection ended.  
\--------  
Montana

Stacie came over and warmed up his coffee. He was looking pretty sad. “Milton’s taking a break, if you wanna use the computer.” She offered him.

Vin closed off his pain and nodded, “thanks Stacie.” He got up and went into the back. He checked the map for Montana and then scanned for activity on Chris’ credit cards and ATM. Bingo, a credit card was used this morning. His fingers accessed the member ‘s page and saw a seven hundred dollar purchase in Blacktail. He crossed referenced with the map and found it. He was offline and walking back out front in less than a minute. He scribbled what he found and handed the note to Stacie. “My friend will be here early tomorrow morning, give ‘em the note. Thank you Stacie.” Vin picked up his thermos and headed out the door without looking back.  
\--------  
JD wasn’t yet ready to leave Ezra’s side, so he asked if he could ride to the rendezvous with Ezra. They figured that they’d need two vehicles so Ezra looked over at Buck, who nodded. He put his arm around JD as he answered, “absolutely JD, I’d love your company.” Buck looked relieved that JD was already looking better, but just before he broke eye contact, Ezra saw the haunted look that he had been keeping from the Kid. Ezra looked over to Josiah, and realized that he had also caught a glimpse of the look too. While the Kid was packing his stuff in back, Ezra approached Josiah and sat next to him with his back to the others. He looked into Josiah’s eyes and saw understanding there.

Josiah seemed to have the most insight to Buck, “it’ll be awhile before that haunted look leaves his eyes. When he lost you Ezra, he immediately lost Chris, and JD went down hill daily. Buck was losing everybody and all while trying to save JD and help Vin find Chris. We all forgot about him, that inside he was hurting just like us.” He looked over at Ezra, seeing if it was all too much for him too, but he seemed to be handling it . Josiah shook his head, “geez, and Nathan….., we all left it to him to hold the place together. After the initial work was done he would stand at the window and look out at nothing.” He put his arm across Ezra’s shoulders as he drew his ear closer to his mouth. “Most of us never get to know how our passing will affect the lives of those around us. Maybe we aren’t really meant to know. But you, Ezra, you now have had a glimpse and I’m hoping it’s not too much for you…..if you get to a place and you want to hash it out, I am always here for you.” He turned Ezra’s head slightly so he could see the sincerity in his eyes.

Ezra took comfort in the fact that Josiah was his friend, but he couldn’t allow himself to explore what he was talking about. He wasn’t ready to. He had to find Chris first, them maybe.  
\-------  
After they got the note Vin left them, they grabbed some food, more coffee and gassed the vehicles. JD seemed determined to stay with Ezra so they piled in and took off for Blacktail. JD got out the map and pointed to the town. “Geez, it up by Glacier National Park.”

Ezra tried for some conversation, “glaciers?”

“Yeah, real ones, I’ve never seen one.”

“Cold, they should be real cold.” Ezra said with a smile in his voice.

“Ezra, it was so hard watching my mom fade away and die. I wasn’t ready to lose her, but I didn’t realize how lucky I was, I got to say goodbye. I never, ever thought about it before, but when ….we …..saw, and I thought….” JD’s voice broke and Ezra gently laid his hand on JD’s leg and patted it a few times.

“JD, …” Ezra started but JD turned his head into Ezra’s shoulder and cried.

“Ezra, when you were gone….I didn’t get to say goodbye. Didn’t even get to tell you how I really feel……..always so hard to talk about stuff like that… ….it felt so yucky, …..couldn’t explain to Buck even.” JD kept his head in Ezra’s shoulder trying to control his sobs. Ezra just used his right hand to reach up, stroking JD’s hair over and over. Trying to soothe him as his sobs subsided. JD quieted and his head slid down to Ezra’s leg and fell asleep. Ezra rested his hand on JD’s head, concentrating on the road, trying to keep the thoughts at bay.  
\------  
An hour and a half later the caravan stopped. They wanted munchies, and to drag out any warmer clothes they had brought with them.

“Damm, it’s getting cold,” Josiah stated succinctly.

Ezra walked off a bit to the side, once again dialing his mother’s number. Four men stood completely still as they heard Ezra speak. “Estelle, is Maude in residence, she is. Then would you be ever so kind as to put me through? Thank you.” While Ezra waited, he took a couple of deep breaths as he flexed his hand open and closed. Both Josiah and Nathan couldn’t miss the tension building in this usually calm undercover man.

“Ah, Mother, by chance did you lend your services to the production of a video portraying my demise?” Whatever the answer, the four men could instantly read the rise in Ezra’s anger level. The scathing quality of his voice would have removed all doubt if there had been any in his reply. “Mother, it is one thing to have caused me endless pain throughout my life. But that you would in a self-seeking manner, inflict that type of hoax on my friends, causing senseless worry and agony with possible heinous repercussions, I will hold you responsible for any and all maladies your complete lack of prudence has caused.” If possible, Ezra’s voice intensified in it’s disgust, “and praytell, MOTHER, what possible inducement was prevailed upon you to perpetrate this callous ruse?”

The sharply indrawn breath, the draining of all color in his face and the need for Ezra to lean against the tree next to him, were all strong indications that Ezra was in shock at what his mother had answered. As the phone fell from his slackened hand, his four friends rushed to him.

Nathan and Josiah had known that Ezra suspected his mother’s duplicity, but this was news to Buck and JD. JD looked crushed for Ezra, he’d always thought that Ezra was lucky to have a mother that was still alive. He wasn’t so sure now.

Ezra didn’t push away his friends as they tried to comfort him. He just looked up into the four faces and uttered with defeat, “two million dollars.”

JD and Nathan were equally shocked, JD figured that it had to be life threatening to do that type of thing to a son. Nathan was saddened that anyone’s life could be reduced to a monetary value. Buck sat down facing Ezra and embraced him. When Ezra’s head actually rested on his shoulder, Buck knew that this hit him very deep. Josiah looked heavenward, once again questioning his father’s faith. How much pain does those he love, have to endure?

The five men sat there in silence, lost in individual thoughts that ran on similar paths. Their reflections were interrupted by shrill ring of Ezra’s phone. JD picked it up off the ground, but Ezra waved it off. Josiah took it and turned it off.

“There’s not enough money in the world that could take away the happiness I feel from having you still alive.” JD looked Ezra straight in the eye as he said it.

Josiah shook his head and smiled, “ain’t it amazin, that our youngest has the greatest ability to say what we all feel.” JD felt proud at Josiah’s words.

Ezra knew that he’d reached a turning point in his belief of being part of a family. He knew that the irony would be lost on his mother. With a breath to fortify himself Ezra said aloud, “let’s go find the rest of our family.”  
\--------  
Vin drove on, fighting a losing battle on not thinking………………Before, when on a search or stake out, he would replay the few good memories he had of growing up. They would reaffirm his desire to catch bad guys. Hell, it was a way to put his most natural talent to constructive use. His bullets could find its targets without all those fancy scopes. But if he had bragged on his skill as he was growing up, he woulda had to prove it daily. So, instead he had perfected his untouchable air, it kept most of the bad-asses away. He smiled ruefully at the memory, they’d figured if a runt could carry that kind of air about them, he was either fuckin nuts enough to back it up or too dangerous. These memories were safe.

Then he had collided with Chris Larabee and instead of finding an authority driven asshole, he instantaneously found a connection to a man that he instinctively believed could lead him to hell and back alive.

That one connection ended up opening him to six brothers, a family. That connection, as he now knows, can shred a heart. His.  
\---------  
Chris Larabee was a wounded animal, a dangerous animal. The desire to strike out at anything in its path is equal to the continuing fervor to survive. Therein lie the problem, he was sure he wanted to die. The darkness of his clothes matched the darkness of his spirit. Larabee could count the number of minutes he’d been sober in the last coupla weeks, and he resented each and every one of those seconds.

This was just one of those times. In the sober moments he couldn’t forget the images on that tape. Images of Ezra’s body twitching in death. Of the asshole that shot a gun point blank into his friend’s chest, the blood…’I don’t think I can handle this again,’ Chris thought to himself. ‘The loss is too extensive, the price too steep, his friend. Hell, he was more than that,’ he also knew that without Ezra’s fancy words to explain it, he knew he couldn’t. Without Ezra, that very thought froze Chris’ heart, a heart that had stopped feeling once, but then he had made the tragic mistake of letting it thaw. A mistake he refused to repeat.

Chris picked up one of the empty whiskey bottles and slammed it against a rock. The crash was gratifying, as each shattered shard represented a piece of his heart that had departed. He picked up another one and threw it harder, the impact resounded loudly and it fueled his anger and he slammed another and another, on the last yelling out loudly, “this wasn’t part of the deal.” He hurled two more at the same time repeating, “this wasn’t part of the god-damm deal.” The crash, masking the steps coming up behind him.

“What deal?”

Chris Larabee didn’t flinch at the unexpected voice, didn’t turn. He’d always expected Vin to find him.

Not hiding the fear in his voice, Vin yelled, “what deal?”

“Deal I made with myself to go back to work after that last time.”

Vin knew that Chris was speaking of Sarah and Adam. He stood still, hoping Chris would continue. He did.

Viciously Chris ground out, “I hate those blood-suckers that prey on the weak and angry. What I do, did, represented, always thought that it would make Adam proud,…now….”

Vin’s fear was growing, “WHAT DEAL?”

Chris turns his blood shot eyes toward Vin, “to go back to work, and work hard. But not put myself in the position to feel this pain. I screwed up.” Chris put his head down, then picked up another bottle and flung it viciously against the rocks. With head still down, “I can’t do this, Vin.”

“What ya screw up?” Vin could deal with this, it’s the other stuff that scared the shit out of him.

‘I got involved……..I stared to care what happened….is it safe enough?……when I sent Ez..” his voice cracked, “on the Abbott undercover……..I woke up in a cold sweat, worrying if all the cover stories were in place, and….and if he’d be okay. I couldn’t sleep until the case was done. I would drive by an area I knew Ez was suppose to be, just to see if he looked okay………god, Vin, what am I gonna do now?………See I can’t go back this time….”Chris’ voice trailed off.

Vin froze himself, fear gripped his heart in full force, suffocating…..his family…in danger. “Why?’

With barely a whisper, “I could lose you too……..and oh, god, JD. He’s so young. He needs to live ………I just can’t.”

“None of this killed Ezra.”

“We don’t know that….someone out there for retribution……my fault.”

Vin sat down next to Chris. “Chris..” Vin wasn’t sure, right he was more scared than he can ever remember being. He knew that he was fighting for the whole thing now.  
\--------

Josiah sat next to Ezra on this last leg of their journey. Driving on this rough terrain kept Ezra focused on the road, not his thoughts. Josiah knew he needed the reprieve to strengthen his controls. He would be losing them again soon enough. Josiah reflected on the different losses in his life. Some sad, some profound. But never gut wrenching. Josiah had come to believe that although he could empathize with others pain, he was unable to reach the heights and depths that had plagued those around him. Sometimes that was a good thing. He could sit back and analyze people, a situation, the past.

Meeting Larabee changed all that. Who’d known that this specific mix would give birth to feelings of family that had never existed before. Traveling about the world with my father didn’t make me close to him. On the contrary, he was always too exhausted, didn’t have extra love to share. Josiah had no clue what he had missed until Larabee. And in the oddest way, Ezra was the glue.

He’d probably run if he ever realized that. He has no clue, probably better that way too, the glues in this life should never know…..too much responsibility. Josiah figured that Ezra grew up knowing just what he was missing, sitting on the outside looking in, but not part of.

Now they both had a family, not a conventional one, but possibly one that’s even more binding than blood. Life, the connection to life. Interdependent. Now that Josiah had experienced it, he was not willing to lose it and now he too was plagued with the heights and depths. Change it?, throw it back? Never.

They were almost there and Josiah knew he had to broach one topic with this man so capable of hiding what he feels. Chris.

“Ezra……Ezra?”

Yes, Josiah, I’m here.”

“Ezra, I know in the past, our caring, our incessant desire to be with you……that sometimes it has overwhelmed you. Our need to touch you or bare our hearts. That you, at times are uncomfortable with the loss of control these situations induce.” He saw Ezra nod. Josiah opened his mouth to speak but he froze, not sure how to put together what he needed to say.

Ezra was a tad concerned, Josiah fighting for words? “Josiah, what is it? I’m doing okay, I’ll be better when I see Chris.”

“That’s it…”

Ezra’s heart froze, “something’s wrong with Chris…” his voice but a whisper.

“After the tape…at his house…..everything was there to see in his eyes. Ez, it’s more that I’ve ever seen exist in one person. I’m not trying to scare you, but,………”Ez, you mean a whole lot more to that man than you could ever realize.”

Tears formed in Ezra’s eye’s, he blinked trying to clear his vision. He threw off his sunglasses and wiped his eyes. He turned his head and looked at Josiah without his shutters.

Again, Josiah sat in shock, everything was there to see, “Ez,..?”

Tears threatened his voice, “I know about there being so much. I work each and every day not to let any one emotion consume me. I work hard not to let it touch me.” Ezra took a breath, “Your caring, your incessant desire to be with me…… did overwhelmed me, at first. Your need to touch or bare your hearts out, I grew to look forward to it..and it scared me. Didn’t know how to trust it.”

Josiah nodded his head, Ezra might just be able to break through and reach Chris, possibly himself. “Chris doesn’t know how to fight the war of all those emotions. Angry, apathetic, not connected to this plane, vicious, while haunted at the same time. I just wanted you to know.”

Ezra nodded, and concentrated on the road.  
\------------  
Josiah’s cellphone rang. “Yeah?”

Ezra smiled, phone etiquette.

“Okay, JD, okay. We’ll follow you guys.” Josiah almost laughed, “They want to lead us to the Ranger station, seems they’re not sure we can follow the signs. JD’s a bit excited…” Ezra raised his eyebrows, “okay a lot excited. He’s anticipating all us together again.”

Softly, “so am I.”

That said it all for Josiah too.

They pulled into the parking lot and the station was already closed. Buck walked around and saw two cars still here, so they took out their badges and pounded on the doors.

Finally when Nathan was sure that the door was going to cave in, it was answered.

A head poked out the door, “we’re closed, if it’s an emergency, 911 works up here too.” They flashed five ATF badges into her face, and she backed up and opened the door, calling out, “Ranger Stevens, would you come out front.” She waited and as soon as the Ranger showed his face, she faded into another room.

He had no clue why he was called out here so Nathan stepped right in “we need to find our Commander, he believes his son is dead. We need to locate him, tell ‘em it’s a hoax.”

Josiah could see that the Ranger wasn’t sure what he was dealing with, so Josiah added, “they’d had an estranged relationship for such a long time. Then recently they had reached an understanding and could love one another again. A few days ago he was given a video of his son being killed and we’re afraid that he has come here to die.” Josiah knew the Ranger was listening now, “two or three years ago he took out a permit for the back country, had to show the route he was using. We think he’s in the same area now, just without the permit.”

The Ranger nodded and turned to his computer, “what’s his name?” Fingers poised at the keyboard, he was ready to search.

“Chris Larabee……L…a….r…a…b…e….e.” Josiah supplied.

The Ranger put in the name and entered it. “Okay, here it is. Three years ago, the northwest sector. Here I’ll mark it on a map.” He did it as he was saying it. “What agency did you say you were with?”

“ATF- Denver.” Nathan answered.  
\------------  
Vin calls out into the night, “I live in a box of pain.”

The pain in Vin’s voice reaches out and hits a cord in the depths of Chris mind, it responds, forcing Chris to respond, needing to soothe it. He realizes that Vin is really there before him, in pain. In Vin’s eyes, he sees fear, the crippling kind. Working more on an instinctive level, he pulls the man beside him into an embrace.

Like a man too long without water, Vin laid his head over Chris’s heart, and hugged him back fiercely. The dam that had been building inside Vin from the sight of the aimed gun at Ezra, finally broke. Great sobs burst forth racking Vin’s body. Chris held him tighter, planning on just riding out the storm. Vin cried for all his losses, all the childhood cruelties, denied the family unit. Ezra. His sobs began anew at the loss Ezra represented. That the family he unconsciously sought for his whole life, was now destroyed. Afraid that Chris would expire too….all too much.

Chris held on as the torment raged through, his silent tears running down his face. As the storm subsided, Chris changed his hold on the tracker, but did not relinquish it. Instead, they sat side by side with Chris’ arm tightly around his shoulders.

“I slipped up in Blacktail, made it too easy by busting up that bar, had to use my credit card to pay for damages.”

Vin raised his eyebrows slightly, “too easy?”

Musing aloud Chris said, “or maybe I wanted to be found. I knew you’d be looking. But it was hard to stay focused, I couldn’t get drunk enough to forget….My mind didn’t rest and I couldn’t sleep, it got so I was scared to sleep, ……………couldn’t escape the dreams. Dreams taunted me. I could see I failed him, I shoulda protected him better. I let him down and now the whole damm team is paying the price…..were not a team without Ezra.”

The agony conveyed by the simple plainness was tangible. Shock waves of pain and despair could be felt.

Vin looked at Chris, trying to see him as he saw himself……it was the whole family for Chris too. He was the wolf that lost it’s only companion of a lifetime. Alone, bereft.

Ezra stood just before the rise, still out of sight, transfixed in place, Josiah was right, maybe we aren’t meant to know how our passing affects others. The knowledge that Chris could feel that torment on his behalf, just by it’s very nature became a new responsibility for Ezra. Chris Larabee, was…….was one of the most important people in his world, and he had to protect him with his entire being. Ezra, now knew that was the hardest job before him, he needed, they all needed Chris back as head of their family……..it was up to him to pull him back.

He went back down a bit and signaled to Josiah, to have everyone wait a while before joining them. Josiah understood and nodded to Ezra. Then he gathered the rest for the wait. Ezra quietly retraced his steps. He saw that Vin now had his arm about Chris shoulder.

“Chris,……you didn’t in any way get Ezra killed….”

Ezra knew this was the right moment to go forth, hopefully he would emerge intact, emerge together. He put aside every feeling, thought to his most cocky attitude and went forward.

“I dare say gentlemen, that it would be a matter of bad timing to meet my demise at that very moment in life that I intend to reach out and embrace this family I’m a part of.” Ezra looked at the two men before him, both in shock.

Vin recovered first, he whooped for joy. He closed the gap and hugged Ezra in a mighty bear hug. At that very moment, Vin’s life slipped back into place, his family was intact. The fear that ripped at him ebbed away and he knew he could tackle anything…..even the unmovable mountain …Larabee.

To Ezra, he resorted to humor, all the while he held him in arms that had no intention of letting go, “glad we didna have a funeral. Glad I didna have to come up with those nice things to say about you……” Then in a voice that hid nothing, “god, I’m glad you’re not dead.”

Ezra swallowed the tears threatening, he just held on back. Patting Vin’s back gently, this time waiting for Vin to be done, not pulling away too early. This young one’d had a difficult time too. The one thing that he’d ever known to frighten Vin was the thoughts of losing one of their team. It was a phobia they shared. Minutes passed and the two didn’t move. Vin was repairing himself, Ezra could feel him healing.

Ezra was being given a gift, one that he never knew about, to be truly essential to someone else. This fierce and gentle man, who would track to hell and back…….with this unconditional embrace healed a broken shard of Ezra’s heart too.

Chris had heard Ezra’s voice so many times in his dreams, he had no reason to believe that it was real this time. But Vin had become happy, he turned to find Vin…..Vin was there just above him, holding someone one…..the rest must of found them too……for just a moment he allowed himself to hope……….dangerous.

That naked disappoint was again tangible, Ezra felt it, Vin felt it. Vin pulled back and looked into the green eyes he’d missed, he knew that someone else needed to heal. His look said take care of him. Ezra acknowledged the silent request with a nod. With his eyes he told Vin the others were down below. Vin hugged him quick and left Ezra with a big project.

Looking down, he connected with pain filled eyes, artifice gone, stripped down to the layer where all emotion lies. That’s how Ezra found him. He walked straight to him and took the initiative he knelt beside him and embraced him. “Chris, it’s Ezra, I’m alive, I’m fine……..Chris, look at me.” He put his knuckles under his chin, trying to force his eyes up.

Chris heard the voice again…..and that damm hope popped up again…….’If I look up and it’s not him…..’ Chris thought to himself.

“Mr. Larabee, please look at me.”

Mr. Larabee, that had his head up quick, no one called him Mr. Larabee quite the way Ezra did. Hazel eyes met green and tears quickly filled both. One word, “Ezra.” Said all that Ezra needed. And for one Chris Larabee, the dam broke, he cried for all his losses. He cried for all his joys. He cried for everytime he didn’t.

His torment temporarily abated, he looked at the face he thought was dead, the one he failed, and knew it could happen again and be real, forever. Trying to maintain a tentative hold on his emotions, emotions that threatened to spill out and consume him, he said, “It’s a hole right here,” he points to his heart. “I didn’t even know it could get ripped like that again, and it’s scared me down to the center. Hell..I hardly ever visit there, now I can’t stay out.”

Chris rubbed his face, “I can’t do it anymore, this was too hard, I care too much. Now that you’re safe. You have to stay that way. So I have to stay away. For all of you. It’s best.”

Ezra could see so much of the pain he had felt on so many occasions…..was indeed the same pain that Chris was experiencing. Ezra wished that it was he that was in that pain instead of Chris, for to see this amazing man in agony was one of the most painful experiences Ezra’s faced. This man is suppose to hand it out, not be the recipient of it, especially as it was caused by me, by Maude, she will have a lot to answer for.

In a moment of stark clarity, Ezra realized that this enigmatic man, that was held in such high estimation was grieving for a loss, not just to the team, but to himself. Ezra thought that all his deep emotions were reserved for Vin. But to see it so plainly that it was also for him, a conman, a risk taker, he was forced to acknowledge that Josiah words were true, Chris Larabee did care a lot more than he realized.

‘So the battle begins, truth will be the only tool that I can use. It will mean baring myself completely, holding nothing back.’ Ezra looked at Chris Larabee, and knew without a smidgen of doubt, that for this man it would be worth it.

Chris started a fire and sat facing it, lost in guilt and recriminations. Ezra sat next to him but with his back to the fire, so he could face Chris. He needed to make and keep the eye contact, Chris needed to see he was holding nothing back.

Ezra’s green eyes usually shielded all he felt, but as he connected with the hazel eyes in front of him he held nothing, absolutely nothing back. “Chris, it’s been damm hard for me to trust, hell near on impossible. It took Lenny ten years and he did all the work. Chris, you and these guys did something I didn’t believe possible, you all got under the electrified fence where I’ve kept my feelings, my trust, my love. ……Chris, you can’t give up now, not when you’ve just broken through. You convinced me we’re a team…….a team with a special bond. That bond is family. We may not have the blood that connects, but we have that special quality that most yearn for all their lives.” Ezra brushed away a stray tear, but the hazel eyes stayed with him.

“You all have bombarded me, dragged me kicking and screaming and brought me into your fold. Chris, you gave me a second chance, I gave you a second chance, now you have to give life a third chance. Josiah told me I didn’t realize what I meant to you, to all of you, but what you all, and especially you, don’t realize is what you mean to me.”

“I’ve been betrayed by so many, on so many different levels, it’s a wonder I don’t…” The unconcealed anguish in Ezra’s eye’s clutched at Chris’ heart. He reached out and rested his hand on Ezra’s shoulder. Tears welled up in Ezra’s eyes, but he continued in a wobbly voice, “but you taught me through example that taking another chance, exposing your heart, opening you’re deepest aspects to view was a winning situation. That it WAS tangible. Chris……,” Ezra’s voice lowered, “….when the rumors and allegations were rammpet throughout the agency, regardless of states, …I didn’t care. I knew in my heart and that was good enough for me. I didn’t care what any of the other teams thought of me…..Chris after that first assignment, never in my entire life have I wanted to prove to someone I was worth that chance. The truth…..that day I respected you like none other. Hence so many of the problems…….Somewhere that respect was joined with ….”

Chris leaned closer, he couldn’t hear Ezra, he wanted to hear Ezra. He squeezed Ezra’s neck. Ezra looked into Chris’ eyes and knew he needed to hear it, “…….love, I said love…and it scares the hell out of me. I wanted to back away from it, runaway, but Vin, JD, Josiah…they’d pull me back and then on occasion, I’d look in your eyes and see the concern you held for me and I knew, no matter what,…..I couldn’t leave………But Chris, if you give up, let yourself curl up and die and die on the inside……..you take me with you. I will wither out here without you.” Ezra didn’t care a bit about the tears that ran down his face. He tried to let his eyes convey his honesty.

Vin stepped closer, letting both men know he’s there. “Chris….that’s me, just what Ezra said, if you go, then so do I. The pain, it’ll shred me. I can’t lose you, you promised.” Vin kneeled down on Chris’ other side. He touched his chest gently, “if you leave us here and here,” touching his head, “then we go too. You showed me what this caring thing was, if you take it away now, it’s lost forever.” Vin sat back, head pressed against his knees, tear running down his face.

Ezra reached out and touched both men with his hands, “we are lost souls, together we make one. If we stand alone, we are but one separate link, but together we stand strong.” Ezra linked his fingers with Vin’s hand, then he put out his hand to Chris, letting him make the decision.

Chris looked from Ezra to Vin, into green eyes, then blue, though the colors were different, the message was the same. He loved these two men, like brothers, like sons. He couldn’t willingly put them through the anguish and pain they would feel if he left. He’d never stop worrying about them anyway, might as well keep them close. Chris put out both his hands, he laced fingers with Ezra, laced fingers with Vin, and held tight. “We stand together.” Real smiles appeared on Ezra’s face, Vin’s face, then Chris face.

Josiah waited silently above, grateful, they’d all be okay.

He waved the others up, and made some noise. The sound of the others was not disguised. They flocked around the fire, around their friends. Hazel eyes sought out the green ones, Chris whispered for Ezra’s ears only, “one strong chain, one complete soul.”

fini


End file.
